The Lists that Govern my Life

I'd been itching to write something over the past few months about what a wonderful whole life is. That every part of our story comes back to us in a generously holistic way that makes us feel at peace with how everything else in life has gone. I'm glad I didn't write that rubbish. Because instead of finding the whole I thought I'd started to see glimpses of, I was just seeing holes . Shall we start at the beginning? Breakup #1   I was 18 and thirsty for relationship experience. Like something more than the intimate passing of notes in middle school or the overeager smiles and easy giggles in high school. I met a guy who ran and was good at ultimate frisbee (which were basically the only things I cared about at age 18) so I tried to flirt by leaving things at his doorstep and contrary to sound logic, this worked and we started dating on Mole Day. I quickly realized that in my mind, this was "practice" for me and "reality" for him.