The Lists that Govern my Life

That sounds like a good title of a book.  But here is why I've felt like a robot more days than not this summer: I work all the time doing the same thing over and over again. A robot could definitely do my job. But I'm glad they hired a semi-human being like me to work. I have created very few new relationships or friendships this summer. And robots don't have friends. I haven't written any papers all summer. And robots can't write good papers, which is why they don't go to school. I've listened to dozens of books this summer almost mechanically. And even though books are a human invention, the way I've been going through them you'd think I was a book-reading robot. So when I'm feeling like life is kind of pointless and wondering why robots (and goldfish) even exist and where their motivational for life is, I remind myself that I'm a real human being. Here is how I know I'm not a robot: I took an acryllic paint class this summer...

I'm going back to my lists. Hopefully that doesn't mean I'm regressing. But they're safe. I'll throw in a few paragraphs here and there if I'm feeling adventurous. With verbs and nouns and adjectives and adverbs. So I kind of freaked out tonight when my parents ask me to make a phone call to HP about my laptop. And here would be why. I hate calling people I don't know on the phone, and sometimes people I do know. I don't like not being able to see their faces. I also feel like I'm interrupting peoples' lives, even toll free numbers where people get paid to answer phones. I don't know why, because if they didn't want to talk to me, they probably wouldn't answer the phone. I sometimes get asked questions that I don't know the answer to. Actually, many times. And not knowing answers makes me nervous. Which brings us to a psychological issue of not wanting to show weakness and frailty. And this will ultimately lead to my down...