How to Succeed in Academia

Three years of grad school has taught me some things. At the risk of losing my street credit as a competent graduate student, I thought I'd share five simple steps to help anyone sound like an academic:

 1. While others are pontificating, make the sound "mmhm!" and nod emphatically.
2. Chuckle knowingly when someone makes an esoteric joke, even if you don't know the context.
3. Furrow your eyebrows periodically as if grappling with some hefty thought.
4. Turn names as adjectives as frequently as possible (i.e. Hegelian, Marxist, Kantian...).
5. When at a loss for words, say something like, "I don't think we're considering the spatial temporal dimension of this issue." (credit to Jake Beckert for this one)

 And that's it. Now you too are qualified to be in a humanities PhD program.

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