The right amount of pregnant

I am just over seven months pregnant and alternatively panic between worrying I don’t look pregnant enough or that I look too pregnant. 

I kind of expected pregnancy to be awful--to feel tired and nauseous and uncomfortable for nine months. SURPRISE pregnancy has been generally kind to me. I mean, it’s definitely not my ideal state of being, but it hasn’t been the worst. 

During my first trimester, I was in bed by 9pm (which is basically my dream life anyways), I had a week where I REALLY wanted hash browns/potatoes all the time, and I was able to keep running about 25 miles a week. The worst part was increasing sweating, which led to uncomfy heat rashes that haven’t really gone away but a dermatologist assured me they would after the baby comes.

During the second trimester, I kept running the same amount despite rising humidity until that was rudely interrupted by a mild case of mono and I took a short break. Though I had a killer sore throat for a week, the mono turned out to not add much extra fatigue. I originally thought I had strep throat, but the doctor I visited told me there had only been a handful of strep cases in the whole county because mask-wearing had almost completely eradicated it. So predictably, the strep test came back negative and to my shock, the mono test was positive. Which felt like a sentence of bedrest for the rest of pregnancy, but somehow it never got too bad. All things considered, I felt very lucky. 

Third trimester hit and my body has kept moving! I added a belly belt to my runs, cut down my longer runs (though I blame humidity more than my belly), and we’ve been good to go. Note to self though: never be pregnant in August in the midwest again.  I fluctuate between being in awe of how humans are literally grown inside people (did we all know that?!?) and bewildered at my body’s own rapid changes.

I’ve spent most of my time being pregnant working at home from my laptop, meaning I haven't really had to think about how others would perceive my body. Not that I should ever be worried about that, but you know--I’m human and working on it. I was startled to realize how much I wanted to look just the right amount of pregnant when we started back to in-person classes this semester. 

I mean, I didn’t want the first thing for my students to think about me to be something like HOLY COW THAT WOMAN IS PREGNANT. But I also didn’t want them to doubt their senses when I told them I was pregnant and going on maternity leave in a couple of months. I tried on four dresses before settling on one of my more tent-like dresses that definitely didn’t make my pregnant belly obvious but also didn’t make it impossible to notice. Was it the right choice? It was hella comfortable and I didn’t accidentally put it on backwards like the last time I wore it, so I’m going to say it was a smashing success.

Pregnancy has been a strange experience for me because it feels like there is an unspoken right way to be pregnant. I’ve been using the app “What to Expect” to, you know, help me know what to expect each week of pregnancy. Because I came into this whole thing knowing basically nothing about pregnancy. Like I had no idea you are already 4-5 weeks pregnant when you find out you’re pregnant. Or how many weeks a pregnancy lasts. Or how much weight you gain. Or how you figure out due dates. Basically you name it and I probably didn’t know it a year ago.

Anyways, there is a community posting portion of the app and what a strange place that is. I mean, it’s a nice idea to connect people having babies around the same time. But pretty much everyone seems to be seeking validation that they’re doing pregnancy the right way--

from how much weight they’ve gained, 

to how their baby bump looks, 

to whether or not and why they have gotten (or not) the COVID vaccine, 

to announcing their baby names (because strangers definitely care about your name picks--literally posts are titled things like“what are you naming your baby boy?”), 

to what their baby shower will be like, 

to how often they’re having sex with their partner, 

to what cravings they’re having, 

to exercises they’re doing (or not doing), nursery decorations…

Which is fine. I mean, I just don’t really care for unsolicited opinions on my body and life choices generally, so maybe it’s just not my scene.

The most helpful post I have seen is asking for music recommendations for a labor playlist. Someone replied “when moms come in with a Bluetooth speaker and tunes it is a VIBE.” 

I think what bothers me about the community discussion posts is that it feels like it highlights the insecurity of these pregnant women and reinforces the notion that despite everyone theoretically knowing every pregnancy is different, there is one right way to be pregnant. And mostly, one right way of looking pregnant.

Which is why it bothered me that last Monday, there I was, staring at myself in various flowy dresses, trying to figure out how to look the right amount pregnant.

But the right amount of pregnant=literally the amount of pregnant that I am. 

And to answer all of the “What to Expect" community posts--yes your bumps are lovely and I guarantee you’re panicking too much about your weight and generally what other people think about your decisions.

Don’t worry about looking pregnant. 

Just be pregnant. 

If that means lots of lying down and naps and feeling ill, that’s fine. I mean, it sucks, but you’re literally growing a human so props to you however you manage.

If being pregnant means you’re still active and have energy, dance away.

If it takes away your sex drive, so be it. 

If it makes you extra horny, roll with it. 

If it gives you a special glow, hurray!

If that “glow” is actually just extra sweat, I’m right there with you.

If being pregnant makes you irrationally angry at your partner for not being a trained massage therapist and instead going to graduate school (what a life choice), recognize you’re not being your most rational self and try not to stay angry too long.

I think saying “enjoy pregnancy” is a bit of a tall order, but I’ve definitely learned a lot from pregnancy. Bodies are amazing instruments that aren’t here to decorate the world, but to build it. Every body is different and every pregnant body is different.

Looking pregnant is a different experience than being pregnant because the former doesn’t actually affect you.

Look however you want. 

And be pregnant. 

Just the right amount. 

The amount you are.