How to feed your child and get repeatedly ill while doing it

When I was pregnant, I was not sold on the whole idea of breastfeeding. I mean, I knew the recommendations, but it just seemed so burdensome on one partner and not the other. Going into it, I was thinking I would try to do half breast milk and half formula because that seemed a way to make things more equal between partners. 

I also knew that breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone--your milk doesn’t come in or there isn’t enough, there are issues latching, it’s painful, other medical issues come into play, there aren’t enough maternal support structures after baby comes along (short maternity leaves), the mere mental and physical toll of being on call 24/7 (though pumping can help alleviate some of these problems), to name a few.

Anyways, everything I thought I wanted went out the window when Teddy was born. I had no idea how badly I wanted to breastfeed this tiny little newborn until he had problems latching and I physically couldn’t. I pumped every three hours for the first two weeks while working on getting him to latch and that was exhausting. I ended up with an extra 600 oz from those two weeks because my lactation consultant told me I needed to keep pumping every 3 hours for 15 minutes to keep my supply even if I was making more than I needed (I cheated and only pumped for 5 minutes because turns out I have prolific breasts). I think this set me up for some issues with overproduction from the start, but I was just trying to follow instructions.

I was so happy when Teddy finally latched and I switched to pumping a couple times a day so Dallin could feed him at night and I could nurse him the rest of the time. I thought we had a pretty good system down and it was nice to still feel like I was dividing the labor somewhat. 

Everything went pretty well until Teddy was almost 3 months old (end of January), and then 

1. I got mastitis (lower right breast)

What is mastitis you ask? 

Cleveland Clinic tells us that “Mastitis is an infection that develops in breast tissue. The painful condition causes one breast to become swollen, red and inflamed. In rare cases, it affects both breasts. Mastitis is a type of benign (noncancerous) breast disease. Mastitis most commonly occurs during the first six to 12 weeks of breastfeeding. But men, as well as women who aren’t breastfeeding, also get mastitis.”

I had just passed the 12 week mark so I thought I was in the clear. Little did I know it was just the beginning!

What does mastitis feel/look like?

Chills, fever, body aches, nausea, sore breasts (with an inflamed red patch), fatigue. Basically not a fun time. 

You treat mastitis through an antibiotic (yes, the internet told me that severe cases of mastitis can be fatal if left untreated, so that’s a fun fact to tuck away).

I got antibiotics for the infection, though I did have to call several pharmacies because no one seemed to have dicloxacillin in stock (which was a pain to do while I was feeling so physically awful already). They also recommend feeding your infant every 2 hours to clear up the infection, as well as alternating breastfeeding positions frequently. 

I did all the right things and found relief from the pain after a couple of days of antibiotics (of a 10 day course). I’m not not convinced that some medicine isn’t just magic? 

Much to my chagrin I was not out of the woods, because come early February (right after I’d finished my course of antibiotics)

2. I got mastitis again (outer right breast)

There was a snowstorm that delayed doctor’s offices opening so it also ended up taking a while to get a prescription called in and filled, so that was a bummer but it worked out and once again I was convinced I was ingesting healing magic in pill form. 

Things went okay for the next little while as I tried to keep nursing Teddy every 2-3 hours to make sure my breasts were drained and no clogged ducts appeared. 

But then at the beginning of May (6 month mark for Teddy)--right before we left for Germany--surprise!

3. I got mastitis again (outer left breast). 

I also got food poisoning at the same time which made it difficult to keep down my antibiotics (and it was also a big pain to get the antibiotics again), so that was a fun curveball. 

I was about halfway through my course of antibiotics when we got to Germany and somehow

4. I got a clogged and inflamed duct in the other breast (double mastitis! Almost as good as double jeopardy, right?)

I spent a lot of time talking with doctors/nurses/lactation consultants and basically their only advice was “just keep nursing!” which was a bit frustrating. They were also flummoxed as to how I got another infection while on antibiotics already (and I panicked about needing to get a potential abscess drained in a foreign country). Fortunately for me with frequent feedings and my trusty remaining antibiotics, both ducts cleared up after about a week. I didn’t want to try to wean while traveling because a) breastfeeding felt so convenient on the go and b) I didn’t want to increase my chances for more mastitis without primary care in Germany.

Also, turns out I really loved breastfeeding. It made me feel emotionally close to Teddy, the actual act of nursing was never painful for me and actually felt good, and I loved the feeling that my body was continuing to produce life. 

I just hated getting ill.

So I spent the three months in Germany sleeping my cabbage on my breasts and googling milk suppressants (none of which seemed to have an affect on my supply).

The chances of me getting mastitis past the 6 month mark seemed slim, but my body decided to beat the odds and shortly after coming back from Germany when Teddy was 9 months old,

5. I got mastitis! (outer left breast)

This was by far the worst clog I’d gotten, with half of my breast looking initially discolored and then just bright red (usually it’s just a smaller spot, so it seems this was a series of clogged ducts). It felt like a sore muscle and was really tender to touch for many many days.

I finished my course of antibiotics for that and even though I told myself if I got mastitis again, I’d need to start weaning, I still didn’t feel emotionally ready. I was so close to the year mark, which had become my unspoken goal.

But then a few shorts days later (4 days without antibiotics),

6. I got mastitis! (inner left breast)

And it’s been awful. I had a really high fever, my body ached and ached, I couldn’t walk around. I did visit a doctor this time and she could only offer me sympathy that this keeps happening. My lactation consultant (and her supervisor) have also been unhelpful--mostly just encouraging me to simply keep nursing every couple of hours (which a 9.5 month old baby does not need to/want to do). The doctor did tell me that if I wanted to wean safely--being already prone to mastitis-- it would probably take me to the year mark for Teddy. And with the knowledge, as soon as this clogged duct clears up, I’m hoping to try to start weaning. 

I had grand illusions of maybe breastfeeding Teddy until he was 18 months or 2 years (since the recommendation recently changed), but the physical (anf emotional) toll is too much. 

I am a strong believer in “fed is best.” If we had used formula from the beginning, it would have been great. But when I decided I wanted to breastfeed and could do so, I didn’t imagine the physical toll it would take me. Not just the producing food for another being and being available for that human, but also the repeated illness that would come with that choice.

Bodies are amazing. They are these wonderful, resilient instruments that allow us to experience and do so many things. 

But sometimes it feels like they betray us. 

This is true of any medical issues, I am sure. Health is something so easy to forget until it is in peril, and then it’s everything for as long as the ailment continues. 

Hopefully this is the end of my saga of feeding my child and getting repeatedly ill while doing it. But it seems this is a chronic problem and if I breastfeed any future children, I can probably plan on mastitis being rolled into the package. Maybe I just need to get my own dispensary of dicloxacillin? 

Parents feeding your children however you are able, cheers to you. The emotional, physical, and financial toll of doing so is understated.