The Power of Punctuation

There is no better way to start off the new year than with a rant on punctuation and grammar. 

Because priorities. 

I don't know how I got to be such a grammar nut (though my mother seems like a likely culprit), but it happened all the same; I'm one of those obnoxious people who is silently (and sometimes loudly) correcting your grammar and fixing your spelling mistakes. Always there to let you know that you missed a comma, a period, apostrophe, or forgot one altogether. 

You're welcome.

Now that I've admitted that, you will probably find a dozen or more typos in this blog. Though I care deeply about punctuation and spelling, I am unfortunately still a mere mortal who makes careless and perhaps unforgivable mistakes. But together, you and I can rid the world of grammatical ignorance and laziness, the largest plague that afflicts those between the ages of 3 and 99. 

There are many advantages to knowing how to correctly punctuate sentences and spell words. I know, you're thinking it doesn't matter what kind of punctuation or spelling you use in texts and informal communication, BUT IT DOES MATTER. And here is why:

• You show that you are not only a literate peasant, but also an educated one who paid attention in primary schooling.

• And you avoid confusion.

• And you are more likely to impress people (especially grammar nazis)

• And once you know the rules, you learn which ones can be bent to compliment your own voice when writing and which ones are fixed points in the universe. 

So then you just get to play with punctuation all day long. Like starting sentences with "and" and "which" and ending them without a subject but obviously with a period and creating purposeful run-ons and fragments and let's not forget turning nouns into verbs.

But you can only do this if you have learned the sacred art of grammaring. 

I had a wonderful German professor last year who understood punctuation on a deep and personal level: it was sacred to him. Needless to say, we got along well and I learned a lot from him. I thought I'd pass along some of his insights:

“You send the message of ignorance by misusing commas.”

“MISUSED COMMAS ALARM THE EDUCATED.”

“You can only understand commas with your SOUL.”

"One ALWAYS has time for commas."

“The letter x is tantalizingly forbidden--I love it!” (not exactly grammar, but I found it amusing all the same)

So as you head into the new year, remember to grammar. It will save lives. It will save face. You will be a better human being because of it.